We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
