You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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