she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we made out on top of his cat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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