Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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