sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
