i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
