ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize