Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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