my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if only i could text you this smell
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
birth control should be required to get into college
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
