Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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