I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
