Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
