dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
