Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
