Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
