Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
