I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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