why didn't you poke me back
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
