It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
