i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
