just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
