I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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