this beer tastes like vomit already
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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