after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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