i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
