We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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