i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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