tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
