After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
