i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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