SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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