Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
