I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
