ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
