too bad you live with your parents still
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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