I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
