I didn't shave. On purpose
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
