who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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