Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
