This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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