She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
