i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
