I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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