but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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