I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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