I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
