he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
