Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
