dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
