Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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