Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
