just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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