1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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