Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
As shirtless as possible
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
