i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
