well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
