She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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