I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
