Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sarcasm needs its own font
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
