Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
