So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
