if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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