theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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