Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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