i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
