And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
