The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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