i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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