for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
