final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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