everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
